BFLFW--Principle 3: Joy Yourself

Leave it to me to take weeks to figure out how to post about joy. You can see this is a problem for me. Actually, it's something my husband and I have talked about quite frequently lately. What gives us joy? What makes us happy? Honestly, that's been hard to answer lately.

I think one of the phases you go through when facing terminal illness is a time where you just shut off your feelings to everything. Ron was told he was terminally ill when he was first diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, he's survived longer than anyone thought possible. However, it's also meant we've had to deal with the ups and downs of this for 2.5 years. This summer, Ron was in the hospital for approximately 30 days. It got to the point that I didn't know if he would survive or not. I think after being overwhelmed by fear, sadness, anger, biterness, etc., everything just shut down.

I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I think it gives my mind and body a break from all the drama. However, it does make joy elusive. What gives me joy? Not much.

I haven't completely turned into a robot though, so a few things have snuck into my heart and allowed me to feel something. KLOVE played the song "Here I Am" by my favorite band, downhere. Then, Jon Rivers announced that the guys were going to perform a few songs on KLOVE on September 23rd--the day their new album comes out. That news made me break down and cry. I had sent a message to Jon Rivers about downhere. I prayed that they would be on KLOVE, and now they are. Plus, their song is one of Jon Rivers "future favorites" on 20 The Countdown Magazine. I'm just thrilled.

Also on the music scene, Jason Gray's new album is out. I just downloaded it today and haven't listened to it yet, but I love New Way to Live. It's such a great song and so powerful for me. I've waited for a long time for this song to be released. I'm very thrilled to finally have it.

I've also been spending time running. I love to run. I really love to cross finish lines, so I race. I really enjoy weightlifting. I don't know why, but I do. I now have awesome biceps and triceps. (The bottom part of my arm is still flabby, but I'm getting better.) Sometimes lately, running and lifting seem more like chores instead of joy, but I'm still doing them. They are both good activities for my physical and emotional health, so I'm going to keep doing them even when I don't really feel like it. I don't debate about whether or not I'm going to bathe or brush my teeth. I no longer debate about exercising. I just do it. I'll talk more about that next week.

Spending time with friends is also such a joyful activity, but something I've not made the time to do lately. My friends can turn my mood around so easily. Why do I not do a better job to make time for them?

Simple things like reading a book or magazine, having a small piece of chocolate, singing with the radio in the car, petting my dogs, etc. Things things also bring me joy.

My son has been doing imitiations of cartoon characters lately. He's actually pretty good. Sometimes he has Ron and I falling about ourselves laughing. For 5 years old, the boy has an incredibly sense of humor. Ben brings me a lot of joy.

My husband brings me joy. A few days ago we celebrated our 8th anniversary. We had a real date. We went to a fancy restaurant and saw a musical. It was a very romantic evening. I just loved being with him. Sometimes it's difficult to let my husband bring me joy. It's easy for my heart to start closing off to him. It's easy to push him away. I honestly cannot fathom losing him, but something deep inside me is just so afraid. That's why it's hard to let myself experience joy from him. It's difficult to stay so vulnerable. Sometimes it's easier to harden my heart and shut off the love I have for him. It just doesn't work though. I love him too much, and that love just can't be shut out. It just comes gushing through. When that love comes through, sometimes the other emotions find me too. That's alright. I'll deal with each one as it comes.

So, what does joy have to do with weight loss? Well, I think when you have real joy in your life, you don't need to keep trying to make yourself happy with temporary pleasures, such as eating junk food. Having real joy in your life doesn't guarantee perfect eating. If it did, there'd only be one principle in this program and the book would be really short. :-) Finding what gives you joy just helps you understand you better, and that is really what this is all about.

Next week, and I do mean next week, I'm going to write about Getting the Job Done.

BFLFW--Principle 2: Find Your Motivational Bulls-Eye

Principle 2 in the book deals with finding what really motivates you. It makes you dig deep and figure out why you want to lose weight and what is going help you fight the 4pm fight against the Oreo cookies.

Dr. Peeke suggests that you start with your Global Motivations. These are your general reasons for wanting to get fit. These generally fall into categories such as health, appearance, psychology, performancy, and relationships.

My Global Motivations have pretty much stayed the same since I started this program:

• To be healthy and prevent disease
• To look good in clothes
• To have more energy

This is a great foundation, but it's generally not enough to get you through the tough parts of your day. What you need to do next is to figure out why you want to change. This next level is the Target Motivations. You need to dig deep for these, and they should be personal. Here are mine from the first time I went through the exercise:

• I am tired of the pain.
• I am tired of being tired all the time.
• I am sick of frumpy clothes.

The next step is to identify each Target Motivation and put a run to/from mantra for each one. OK. I admit it. This seemed way too weird for me at first. Still, I did it. You know what? It worked. It really worked. This is the step that made the absolute biggest difference in my life. This is what gave me the ammuntition to fight the 9pm munchies. This what gave me the power to get back into the gym. Here are my latest motivations and mantras.

FIRST RING
Motivation:
To honor God in what I do.

Mantra:
Run from the limited power of myself; run to the limitlessness of God.

SECOND RING
Motivation:
To love and honor myself.

Mantra:
Stop neglecting my body, my spirit, and my mind. Understand that I deserve to be healthy and that I do have the discipline to truly take care of myself.

THIRD RING
Motivation:
To be a great wife and a great mom.

Mantra:
Stop abandoning Ron and Ben; run to loving them. Ron needs a wife who can stand with him and FIGHT. Ben needs a mom to help him grow to be healthy He needs a mom who has the energy to run, jump, and play.

FOURTH RING
Motivation:
Look good in jeans, a belt, and a tucked-in button–down white shirt
Look good in running clothes

Mantra:
Run from frumpy, dumpy big shirts; run to fitted white shirt
Run from oversized t-shirts

FIFTH RING
Motivation:
Run a marathon.
Run a 34-minute 5K

Mantra:
Run from being an invalid; run to being an athlete

Remember, these motivations are personal. What is it that you really, really want? Even if it seems goofy, try doing this exercise. Don't just think the answers. Write them down. Look at them from time to time. I hope this principle is as helpful to you as it was to me.

BFLFW--Principle 1: Embrace Adversity

This is the second post of the series "Body for Life for Women" by Dr. Pamela Peeke. If you want to catch up, you can read the first post in the series, but it doesn't really say much.

Principle 1 in the book is Embrace Adversity. You are going to change your life over the next twelve weeks. There are going to be obstacles, and you are going to overcome them. Dr. Peeke explains it better than I can. "Anticipate that there will be obstacles in your path. Then, when you meet up with them--and it's not a matter of if, but when--you'll greet them as opportunities to sharpen your skills at keeping your self-care on track. Instead of getting frustrated by those obstacles, embrace them. Remember that in the midst of difficulty lies opportunity. Identify the opportunity to allow adversity to make you a stronger, wiser woman. " The rest of the principles will give you the tools to do this.

The first principle in the book asks you to sign a contract with yourself. This contract basically says that for the next twelve weeks, you are make your physical well-being a priority. It doesn't mean that for the next twelve weeks, you are going to obsess about everything you eat and exercise like a mad woman. For the next twelve weeks, you are going to focus on getting healthier.

The first time I did this, I used the exact contract from Dr. Peeke's book. Every twelve weeks since then, I've tweeked it a bit. My latest contract was short and sweet and didn't say much at all. I think it's because I was really tired of fighting this seemingly unending plateau. For almost three months, my weight stayed about the same. It was frustrating for me, because I was exercising a lot. However, I wasn't doing as well with eating. For me, I needed to just get back to the basics--eat less junk and move more. My latest contract reflects my simple needs. Honestly, though, my last contract didn't work well at all. It had a lot of measurable goals, including how many fruits and veggies I'd eat, how much weight I'd lose, etc. I generally like measurable goals. In this case, however, it just didn't address what I really needed to work on, which is my attitude. So, I'm returning to my roots. I'm skipping over the measureable goals and going back to working on my attitude.

Date: August 22, 2008I, Lori S. Broach, commit to starting my Body-For-Life for Women on Friday, August 22, 2008, completing this 12-week weight removal segment on November 14, 2008.

I believe that I can accept and complete my challenge to the best of my ability. I realize this is work and accept the self-care price I must pay to achieve my mental and physical transformation.

I will continue to:

• practice the 10 Power-Mind principles to help me stay the course
• pursuing progress, not perfection, in my eating and training
• take my mini-chills and strive to become a master regrouper
• be self-assertive and fight for the right to take care of myself

I will work harder at:

• not ruminating, bitching, moaning, whining
• keeping my daily Mind-Mouth-Muscle journal
• expect and adapt to adversity and embrace tough times as learning opportunities
• eating at least two veggies and two fruits daily
• finding joy to neutralize my stress
• acknowledging and rewarding myself for my achievements along the way

By completing the Challenge, I signify honor and respect for myself, and affirm that I deserve health, happiness, and joy.

What is the right contract for you? I don't know. Write what moves you. Write what you want from the next twelve weeks. My contract reminds me to continue doing the steps that I do well, while challenging me to work harder on things I'm struggling to do.

Next week, I'll post on Principle 2: Find Your Motivational "Bull's-Eye." It's a very powerful principle.