Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Weak Woman--Strong God

I had just dropped off Ben at school. I was on the tollway heading home. The minivan started to make a funny noise. Suddenly there was smoke, and I realized I had blown a tire. Thankfully, I managed to get to the shoulder without hitting anyone.

Many years ago, I knew how to change a tire, but I haven't done that in 20 years, so I didn't trust that I remembered how to do it. Plus, embarrassingly enough, I couldn't figure out where the heck my spare was. (It's underneath the car. Weird.) I went to call someone, but then quickly realized my cell phone was on my counter charging.

That was it. Any strength or sanity I had left quickly vanished. I wept. I sobbed. I just totally crumbled for several minutes. Despair and anger took over. How could this be happening now? Seriously. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN NOW??? My husband is in the hospital dying, my tire blows out, and I have no cell phone? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I had nothing left.

Suddenly, I looked up, and I saw a truck drive by with the name J.C. Germain written in big letters on the side. I immediately thought of Jesus Christ and Jason and Heather Germain. I think you all know who Jesus is, but you may not know Jason and Heather are. Jason Germain is one of the lead singers of my favorite band, downhere. Jason has shared a story during the downhere concerts about a time when he and his wife were going through financial difficulties. They were sharing an old piece of junk car with the other guys in the band. They decided to borrow their manager's car. This car was a piece of junk too. Windows were being held on by duct tape. While they were driving, one of the windows just fell down into the door. Jason's wife, Heather, sobbed. Then the police pulled them over. The police officer asked Heather if Jason was beating her. What a miserable experience for them. My heart breaks every time I hear the story. (Ron and I have been to several downhere concerts, so I've heard the story a few times.)

When I saw the truck drive by with Jason and Heather's name on it, I remembered that story, and suddenly I didn't feel so alone. I remembered who got them through their difficult time. I started listening to a song Jason wrote--Great Are You. I immediately started to calm down. I prayed. I called to J.C. :-) It was nothing fancy. I just handed over the situation to God and asked Him to handle it. As I finished my prayer, I saw a road construction truck drive by and slow down. A couple of workers got out to put up some construction signs. I asked one of them to call someone for me. He was happy to help.

I got back in the car and listened to a few more downhere songs. The pain didn't go away, but I was so comforted, so held. Soon, a tollway truck stopped by. The nice man put on my spare, and I was on my way.

My motto as of late is "Weak woman; strong God." The last few days have been so, so hard. I won't and I can't pretend that the pain and despair isn't overwhelming. It is. I am hurting more than I ever have. Still, I am being cared for by God and by all of you. It's nothing short of amazing, truly amazing.